


I'm Gay & I Love You

by RumbleFish14



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, Firsts, Gallavich, I Love You, M/M, Season 3, Soft sex, episode 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 00:34:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21329296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RumbleFish14/pseuds/RumbleFish14
Summary: Ian is about to leave for the army and Mickey knows he has to fix it
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 40
Kudos: 291





	I'm Gay & I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> Had this scene in my head, follows 3x12, had to fix it cuz I hated the way they left it

I'm Gay & I Love You

(Oneshot, episode 3x12)

"Don't…"

Mickey begged him with one word, the only word he could manage with the lump of emotion that swelled in his throat. He couldn't breathe, it felt like Ian's words turned into a vice, gripping his body like a snake until there was no air left. 

Ian was going, leaving town, leaving him. Leaving because of him and his choices, or lack of. Mickey didn't choose Ian when he could have, he was too afraid of Terry, afraid for himself and Ian. Just afraid. But that fear was nothing like this, that didn't even compare to this fear. 

"Don't what?" Ian asked clearly, hands clenched in his pockets. 

Don't leave, don't leave me because I love you. I've always loved you. I need you. I'm nothing without you. I can't be without you anymore. I love you. 

Those were all the things he wanted to say, all the things Ian needed to hear. Ian deserved to hear those things from him after all they'd been through together. 

They loved each other. 

But as always, the words just wouldn't come. His mouth opened and closed and he could feel the silence pulling them apart slowly. He could tell by Ian's face, that sad puppy dog look. Ian's heart was literally breaking in front of him and he had the power to fix it. 

"Just don't…" Mickey said softly, a little out of breath, in a panic. 

"There's no reason for me to stay Mickey. That was pretty clear." Ian leaned against the wall, head tipped down. 

If he couldn't say it, since the words refused to come, the only thing he could do was show him. He could do that, that's what he'd been doing. Showing how much Ian meant to him by touching him, by letting Ian touch him in ways no one else dared. Mickey showed him when he kissed him for the first time, when they held hands when no one was looking and he could blame the weed and the booze. Mickey showed him that night Ian stayed over, when all their clothes came off, when they were alone and pressed tightly together. That night, he let Ian put him on his back, face to face even when he was shaking in fear the entire time. 

That's how he showed Ian his love for him. Doing things with him that he never did with anyone else, or ever would. 

Mickey put his cigarette out on the dresser, not giving it a single glance as he walked towards the door, towards Ian. He caught sight of Mandy coming back and one look from him had her ducking back into her room, giving him a proud look. 

"Just don't." Mickey repeated and made that final move until he was face to face with Ian.

He could see the left over tear marks on his flushed cheeks, probably just dried his eyes before he knocked. But Ian was missing that spark that he fell in love with, a spark he snuffed out and had to fix it while he still could. 

"I'm no good at this shit." Mickey started softly, gripping Ian's scarf to unwind it from his throat and let it fall to the ground. "I can't say what I'm feeling because…" he paused when green eyes finally looked at him. "Because I don't understand it."

"You just say it." Ian replied, no emotion in his voice. He didn't even reach out to touch him like he wanted. "I can't read your mind and I shouldn't have to."

Mickey nodded, agreeing to that one hundred percent as he unzipped Ian's jacket, pushing it off his shoulders with no coordination. "You scare me Ian." He tossed the jacket, vaguely aware of Ian's unamused laugh. "I've never felt this shit with anyone before. No ones ever made me feel it, even when I didn't want to." 

"Just say what you--"

Mickey silenced Ian's sentence with a soft kiss, right against his lips, his hand going to Ian's face as it always seemed to. "I'm saying it, so shut the fuck up and let me."

Ian smiled. 

Mickey moved back, not returning the smile as he gripped the back of Ian's neck and pulled him into his room for privacy. "I've tried to fight it, we all know that but it doesn't seem to work." He pulled off Ian's gloves, letting them fall to the floor as well. "I'm not happy unless we are together and I don't understand how one person can fucking change my entire life like that."

Ian finally reached out, rubbing over one smooth cheek, his eyes a little watery. "Just say it Mickey." He begged as that first tear fell. "Please say it."

Allowing himself to lean into Ian's palm had his entire body prickling to pull away at the intimacy of it all. But he craved it more than anything else in his entire life. 

"I'm gay," Mickey looked into Ian's eyes, watching as he remembered that brutal fight, watching both sadness and happiness meld together. "And I love you."

"Mick…" Ian's voice trembled as he let their heads rest together and Mickey's hands slid around his waist, pulling him. 

"Don't go," Mickey finally said it, whispering so only Ian heard it; and it felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. "I know I fucked up, a lot. Too much. And I know that I'm an asshole, but I need you to stay."

"You are an asshole." Ian repeated it, but he made it sound like the sweetest words imaginable. "But I need you want me, to need me."

Those words sank deep into his body, chasing that coldness away like no one else could. Mickey bumped their noses together as he gripped the bottom of Ian's shirt and lifted it off his body. "I've never needed anyone like I need you Ian." His hands instantly moved to Ian's chest, waiting to feel that pounding heartbeat before one hand slid up, pulling him down by his jaw. "I think that's why you scare me."

Ian copied Mickey's movements until Mickey was shirtless, then wound his hands around his back, pulling him closer until they were touching. "I'm scared too Mick. Not of me, but I'm scared of not having you, of losing you."

"Maybe we need to stop being stupid then." Mickey offered with a smile, loving how it widened just because Ian returned it. "I need you Ian." His voice lowered, along with their smiles. "I want you."

He was the one to take that kiss, rising up on his toes a little as their noses rubbed together until he could feel Ian's lips. Soft and wet with tears, lips that trembled against his, afraid, but met his own just as eagerly. 

Mickey was never one for initiating sexual things like this. He simply told Ian he wanted to fuck and they both left it up to Ian to start it, to lead so the only thing he had to do was follow and lose himself. But now, he was the one leading. Stripping Ian of some of his clothes, touching him first and taking that kiss. 

Ian needed to know he was willing to commit. 

The kiss ended slowly, leaving them breathless, panting softly together with their heads touching. "Let me show you Ian." His voice was only a whisper now. "I don't want to be afraid of that shit anymore."

"I don't either." Ian replied just as softly, standing still even if he wanted to back Mickey up until he crawled onto the bed. "I just want you."

Now that they had an understanding, Mickey let his hands slip down from Ian's chest to his stomach, his fingers dancing appreciatively across all those hard muscles. He never said it, just like he never said a lot of shit he wanted to, but he loved Ian's body. From that red hair to his broad shoulders, to his long legs and everything in between; he just loved it. 

The button on Ian's jeans popped easily and Mickey made sure to keep eye contact this time, even when he wanted to kiss again. Eye contact was more intimate. The zipper was next until he pushed shaky hands into them and slowly pushed them down, kissing shyly along his chest and his stomach as he did so.

"Hmmm." Ian hummed, eyes lidded as he watched, one hand moving to Mickey's hair. 

"I love your body." Mickey mumbled against one hip, feeling his face flame at his own words and the fact that he willingly went down on his knees for him. "It does things to me…" He trailed off, unsure of how to say it but kissed to his other hip as he worked on Ian's boots. 

Ian smiled fondly at him, moving his hand where it gripped his jaw to thumb over the blush on his cheeks. "What's it do?"

With Ian's boots off, Mickey was able to get his jeans all the way off, tossing them to kneel on both knees as his hands ran up the back of his legs. His blush only increased knowing he would have to tell Ian what it does to him because he wanted to hear it. 

"Gets my dick harder than it's ever been." Mickey rushed through it, ducking his head down to nuzzle Ian through his boxers because he couldn't look at his face when he said it. "It makes me ache, and when I can't get what I need I have to do it myself."

Ian groaned a truly surprised, desperately horny sound as his head tipped back. "You do that?"

Mickey nodded shyly, busying himself by tracing the v of Ian's hips with his tongue while his fingers dipped into the band of Ian's boxers, digging into the top of his ass. 

"Gotta be careful when I do it. Gotta wait til everyone's in bed, or when I'm in the bathroom." He pulled Ian's boxers down, groaning when Ian's cock brushed against his cheek, gripping his ass hoping to distract Ian from noticing how scared he was. "It doesn't feel as good as….but it's the only way I can come."

"If you're not careful," Ian started but had to stop when blue eyes looked up at him for a split second while he cock pressed against his face. "You're gonna make me come talking like that."

That got him to smile, still blushing when he rubbed his lips up the side of his cock, feeling him pulse because of it. "I love when you come."

"Mickey please." Ian whined, begging him to stop and keep going. 

Mickey stopped talking and used his mouth for something useful. He licked against him, groaning softly at how hard he was. His tongue followed every vein he could see, watching as it took Ian apart above him. Every sharp gasp or deep moan had him going faster, using more than just his tongue. 

He'd never done this before, not so willingly, so eagerly. Mickey was surprised to be groaning as he sucked him, moaning each time Ian's cock hit the back of his throat and he gave that shocked gasp, large hands tangling in his hair. He wanted to make Ian feel good, just like Ian made him feel good. 

"God," Ian moaned brokenly, eyes cast down, trying not to close them. "I can't believe this is happening."

Mickey moaned, agreeing as much as possible and it only made Ian groan deeper, tightening his grip on his hair. He took Ian in one more time, until his nose was pressed against Ian's stomach and held it, swallowing rhythmically.

"Shit shit shit." Ian sobbed, his entire body shaking. "You better stop, I fucking feel it."

Mickey pulled off, licking his lips as he drew in deep breaths to chase away the lightheaded feeling. He moved down, stroking Ian's cock as he mouthed around his balls, unable to keep himself from moaning, copying Ian's sounds. 

"Oh my God…" Ian tugged on his hair, pulling Mickey's mouth away from his body. "Fuck."

Mickey smiled, kissing his way back up Ian's stomach and chest as he stood, Ian's arms moved to his hips, lightly pushing him against the edge of the bed. "I want to."

Ian nodded, quickly kissing him, groaning against his slick lips. "I want it too."

"Good." Mickey grinned as he spun Ian around, tossing him into the center of his bed until that sweet smile appeared. "Means I need to lose some clothes."

"Yeah, you do." Ian's eyes glowed, licking his lips in anticipation. 

Mickey turned to shut and lock his door. Ian was staring at his ass when he turned around, and it had goosebumps moving up his body. 

He could feel the nervousness leaving the further they got to getting naked. They were joking a little, giving cocky smirks as their confidence returned. But as it faded, so did the intimacy. Mickey could feel it slipping away and if it was gone when they had sex, it would defeat the entire purpose of this. 

He needed to get it back, even if it made him uncomfortable and shy, even if it made him blush. 

"Close your eyes." Mickey said as he moved back to the bed, thumbs in the band of his sweats. Ian just gave him an odd look. "Close 'em."

"But I want to see you." Ian countered back but closed his eyes and settled back against the pillows.

"You will." Mickey let his sweats slip down, his boxers too and climbed up the bed, seeing Ian shift and tense, trying not to touch him. "But I can't think when you look at me." He moved up against Ian's left side, laying beside him, groaning when their bodies rubbed together. "I don't want this to be like every other time."

Ian turned towards him, eyes closed as he kissed over one cheek. His hand moving to Mickey's bare side, stroking soft skin with his thumb. "I can already tell it's going to be different."

His thigh slipped between one of Ian's, his cock pressing against his hip was enough to pull a groan from him. His hand moved up Ian's body, slowly teasing until he could cup his face, seeing Ian nuzzle into it. 

"It's gonna be slow," Mickey whispered against his mouth, denying him that kiss. "It's gonna be intense and all that gay shit."

Ian bit his lip, one hand moving down to rest against Mickey's ass, not squeezing just resting, fingers spanned wide. "I love all that gay shit. But I need to see you Mick."

"Okay." Mickey whispered but took his lips in a kiss, forcing Ian to keep them closed for awhile longer. He kept it slow, lingering drags of his tongue, holding Ian's jaw when he tried to deepen it. 

The kiss deepened anyway and Mickey let Ian roll him over, covering him with his body. It was like Ian couldn't handle not being in control. Like it was hard for him to simply lay there. He gripped Ian's back as his legs split willingly for Ian to wiggle between them. 

"This too fast?" Ian asked as he moved to Mickey's neck, laying wet kisses down it, trying his hardest not to thrust, to grind their bodies together.

"No, it's good." Mickey tilted his head to give him room while trying not to grind against his hips. "Just don't stop."

Ian smiled against his neck, kissing down to his nipple to lick over it as Mickey gasped. "I have no idea how to go slow." He moved the other one, nipping it with his teeth before soothing it with his tongue. "So stop me if I go too fast."

Each time Ian looked up at him, each time those green eyes locked with his while Ian's mouth slowly took him apart, the hotter he became until heat was radiating off of him in waves. As Ian made his way down, Mickey turned his head into the bed, feeling every touch like it was the first. Slow felt good, it felt new and he loved it.

"By the time we get passed the foreplay," he paused as Ian bit into one hip, then sucked on it while those large hands gripped both of his thighs. "I'm not gonna last long at all."

"Yeah, tell me about it." Ian replied just as he pushed his face into the bend of Mickey's thigh, kissing along his skin, smelling him. "But I like this."

Mickey pushed his hands into Ian's hair as his legs widened, offering himself. "Yeah, me too." 

The moment Ian's mouth covered him, taking him in deep, groaning around him, Mickey was lost. The only thing he could do as Ian bobbed his head up and down was tug his hair to help, or turn his face into the pillow when that stare became too intense and try not to come. 

"Fuck." Mickey gasped, back arching as his body moved on its own, rolling his cock up into Ian's mouth. "This okay?"

Ian groaned loudly, digging his nails into Mickey's thighs, urging him to keep going. 

"Your mouth makes me crazy." Mickey moaned deeply, his eyes threatening to close as Ian's mouth vibrated against him. "I've never had it so good before."

Ian growled this time, just to make him writhe against the bed, pushing into his mouth faster. He released one of Mickey's thighs and rubbed between his cheeks, teasing his hole. 

"Oh please do it," Mickey moaned, shaking too badly to continue thrusting into his mouth. "I miss it."

Ian pulled off his cock, leaving it dripping wet so he could suck along the insides of his thighs. "You miss me fingering you?" He asked with a heated smiled, turned on by how Mickey blushed for him. 

"You're so damn good at it." Mickey whined, looking away quickly before meeting his eyes. "It feels so fucking good."

Ian pushed one of his thighs forward a little to spread him open just to see him already slick. "Did you play before I came over?"

Mickey blushed harder, if that was possible but nodded, biting his lip shyly. "In the shower. Was thinkin about you, about us at the VFW."

Ian held Mickey's eyes as he slowly sucked a finger into his mouth, wetting it before he rubbed against him again. "You're gonna need to show me some time because the image in my mind…" he growled and pushed that finger all the way in as Mickey groaned. "I bet it's a million times better than I imagined."

"Gimme another one." Mickey gasped, spreading his legs while he led Ian to his thigh by his hair, wanting him to kiss them again. "I'd rather just have you do it."

Ian slipped another finger in, getting a little dizzy from watching so close, something he hadn't done before. "Maybe I can do something else to open you up." He waited for Mickey to rise up on his elbows and glance down before he rolled his tongue out, hinting. "Wanna try?"

That was another thing they'd never done, Ian eating him. Just like Mickey didn't willingly blow Ian like he'd done, or them taking it slow. It just felt too intimate somehow. But he wanted it, just like he wanted everything else they'd done.

"Only if you want to." Mickey replied, breathless, needy. 

Ian propped up for a second, making clear eye contact. "Trust me, I want to." He watched Mickey blush as he moved back down, bending both of Mickey's thighs forward as he slowly licked him, groaning instantly.

"Oh fuck," Mickey gasped, eyes rolling back as he tried not to wiggle. Ian's tongue moved slowly at first because it was new, but the second he moaned, Ian seemed to drop the slow pace a little and speed it up. "Fuck, it feels so fucking good."

Ian pulled back, licking his lips. "Tastes fucking good." His hands lowered, spreading him open as dipped down for more, groaning the entire time. 

"Should have done this shit before." Mickey moaned, moving one hand to stroke himself slowly as the other tangled in Ian's hair, pushing him down. "Don't stop, like ever. Fuck."

Ian didn't stop, he gave him what he needed until he was openly begging for more. Holding his thighs in place as Ian pushed his fingers in along with his tongue, opening him up in the best way. Getting him ready, nearly making him come. 

"Come up here." Mickey groaned, waiting for Ian to kneel before he grabbed him by the back of the neck and fell against the bed with Ian on top of him. "Gonna make me come with that shit."

Ian smiled, reaching down between him to rub his cock up and down Mickey's ass, teasing them both with the slick slide. "Another time maybe."

"Hell yeah another time." Mickey smiled back and kissed him, tasting himself as Ian got into position. "Slow, remember?"

Ian nodded, moving his hand back to Mickey's thigh when he was lined up. "I remember Mick." He gasped as he started to push in, already overwhelmed before it even began. 

Mickey locked his legs around Ian's hips, his heels pushing against his ass to urge him to keep going. One hand gripped Ian's back, the other at his neck, keeping their faces close so he could watch every emotion pass over Ian's face. 

"You feel so good." Ian moaned, pushing in a little more. He pet over Mickey's body, any place he could see. "So damn tight."

When Ian bottomed out, Mickey could feel Ian's entire body trembling, something he never noticed until now. Green eyes squeezed shut like it was too much, panting shakily as he let him adjust. 

"I need it this way." Mickey leaned up, whispering against Ian's lips as his body grew eager for more. "Need you like this Ian."

"I need you too." Ian opened his eyes and kissed him deeply just as he gave that first, slow push. Making them groan together, kissing deeper, moving their bodies together. "I love you so fucking much."

Ian's thrusts were slow but perfectly delivered, managing to hit every spot inside him that had his toes curling, his voice as shaky as his legs, unable to think of anything aside from that next thrust. 

Mickey kept his hand on the side of Ian's face, making sure his eyes were opened before he said it. When green eyes met him, Mickey didn't hesitate. "I love you too Ian." His heart stuttered at that responding smile. "You don't even know."

Ian tucked one arm under Mickey's back to grip the base of his neck, the other gripped Mickey's hand that rested on his side and pushed it above their heads, linking their fingers. 

"I have some idea." He whispered, kissing him again as he kept moving. 

So many emotions were bubbling to the surface. Every time Ian squeezed their linked hands, or moaned softly against his lips. Each slow, calculated thrust allowed them to move together, to finally feel it. 

Mickey stroked Ian's cheek, then his jaw, ran his hand into his hair, then back to his face as he kissed him softly, slowly. Absorbing each thrust, not greedy for more or to come but let it slowly build between them. 

"Please don't leave Ian." Mickey begged as Ian went particularly deep, putting that sound out of his control. "I'll do whatever you want. Just don't fucking leave me."

Ian moved a little faster, feeling each time Mickey clenched around him. "I won't leave." He promised, pressing his face into Mickey's neck, kissing up to his jaw, then to his mouth. Noticing the wetness of those blue eyes. "I just need you to love me."

"Fuck." Mickey moaned deeply, getting closer even as the silent tears rolled down his cheeks. "I've loved you for years. And it won't change."

"Oh Mick," Ian moaned back, picking up their speed because he had to. He could feel that slow build threatening to blast over them. "Need you to come with me."

Mickey nodded quickly, not even bothering to push his hand between them to jerk himself, he didn't need it. He just needed Ian squeezing his hand tightly, those lingering drags across his prostate and he was right there with him.

"Ian…" Mickey whined, unable to kiss him as he moaned, rocking his body with Ian's, feeling him pulse. "Look at me."

Ian opened his hazy eyes, looking right into Mickey's as he felt him come between them, he saw those waves of blue in his eyes crash together, making him come just as strongly, pushing a bit harder into him while his body shook. Giving into it all, feeling Mickey finally giving in to him. 

"God," Mickey whined, out of breath, shaking, sweating, his entire body exposed like a live wire. "I love you." He repeated again and again between kisses, while Ian brushed his hair back and stroked over his cheek. "I should have said it earlier."

Ian nodded, eyes soft as he smiled down at him. "I knew you did, but it sounds so good to hear it."

Mickey pushed his hand into Ian's sweaty hair and squeezed until their foreheads touched. "I'll do better, I promise."

Ian held him tightly as he rolled, putting Mickey on top of him, looking up into his hopeful face. "I'll hold you to that."

Mickey smiled, holding both of Ian's hands down to the bed. "You better."


End file.
